more money talk

by Denise on April 27, 2012

in money

Our budgeting has been nonexistent in the past four months, and we have some goals we’d like to meet fairly quickly (paying off the washer and dryer, for instance, and bulking up our savings account) so it’s time to get back into the swing of things and stop being all fast and loose with our hard earned dough.

What I’ve found effective is making small payments on bigger items throughout the month.

Take, for instance, our car payment. It’s not outrageous or unaffordable, but its due date also falls within the week that the insurance and a two student loans are due, which means the paycheck that was deposited Friday is more than half gone on Saturday.

Let’s say the car payment is $200, the insurance is $70, and one student loan is $200. Instead of waiting until the third week of the month to make those payments, I make $25-$50 payments throughout the month which really takes the burden off of that third week’s paycheck. So on any given Friday I will pay $50 to all three things, and the next Friday I’ll pay $25, and so on. When the payments are due, I’ve gotten the amount owed down to an amount that won’t make my bank account look sad.

Car payment, $200, due 5/23.
$50 payment made 4/27; $50 payment made 5/11; $25 payment made 5/18. Total due on 5/23: $75.

Student loan #1, $225, due 5/19.
$25 payment made 4/27; $50 payment made 5/11. Total due on 5/19: $150.

Instead of paying $400, the total due on both is only $225.

I’m not really saving money, but I’m avoiding that panicked feeling that usually happens on the week that everything is due. I’m taking the strain off by making small payments on the bigger bills. I’ve found it highly effective and a little more encouraging because I’m able to see the totals going down once a week instead of once a month.

It’s also great on the revolving credit we have against our washer and dryer, as I usually pay towards that when I’m making the payments towards the student loans and the car. The minimum payment is usually $25, but when all is said and done we pay $150 a month towards our Lowe’s card just doing the little weekly payment method.

It’s not some groundbreaking, money-saving budgeting idea, but it helps a lot and I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this all along.

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this summer

by Denise on April 26, 2012

in ramblings

I have big plans for the summer of 2012.
I am going camping. I haven’t ever camped before, but our church is going at the end of July and so I am going to spend some time sleeping outside even though I have a perfectly good bed in an air conditioned house. WHATEVER. I promised to do more things this year so I am going to camp.

I am going to visit the farmer’s market on a (hopefully) regular basis. Instead of making menu plans and then grocery shopping, I am going to go to the farmer’s market and see what looks the best and plan accordingly.

We are going to spend more time outside. This likely includes grilling stuff. Hopefully our friends will join us. I love them.

Do you have plans for this summer?

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generally speaking

by Denise on April 25, 2012

in christianity,ramblings

I can feel myself becoming someone new. I know that I am on my way to being more patient, more slow to anger, less judgmental. I’m more optimistic.

This change is gradual and subtle and I only realized yesterday that it’s been happening for months. I curse less. I still curse, but it’s more general and less directed at a specific someone. Like, instead of saying “What a bitch,” I say “That’s fucking unbelievable.” The difference is distinct and important, and it means something to me.

It’s not a total personality change, but a while ago I typed up something that said that I knew the kind of person I want to become and now I’m kind of becoming it.

It has to do with my outlook on life, really. It’s the knowledge that my job and my marriage and my extracurriculars do not fulfill me; they could never, ever fulfill me the way Jesus does. I stopped demanding things the world that it could not give me. “Make me happy! Give me joy!” I would get pissed when, time and time again, it would not deliver. I now know that it can never deliver. Once I let go of those expectations I felt a lot lighter. It took the pressure off.

I feel freer than I have in a really long time.

It’s not that things are great or that following Jesus makes life perfect and sunshiny all of the time. It’s not even that I’m happy all of the time. But in the midst of whatever it is I’m going through, whether it’s discontent at work or anger at a friend, there is a sense of divine goodness that resides in the core of my self.

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{more} yard work

by Denise on April 24, 2012

in yard work

I feel like an old woman in the way I constantly talk about how surprised I am that the year is flying by so quickly.
APRIL TWENTY-FOURTH. WHAT THE HELL.

This weekend was beautiful so we spent a lot of time tending to our clustercuss of a yard, and I’m pleased to report that not only did I not injure myself, I actually enjoyed weeding. I started at about nine-thirty and was done three hours later, patting myself on the back for getting shit done before it got sweltering hot outside.

The yard has to get worse before it gets better. I ripped up a majority of the dead plants and very alive weeds out of the ground, and next weekend I will tackle the dandelion issue that has sprouted up seemingly overnight. Those bastards. Then we want to put up a retaining wall to make our front yard level, but I’m not sure how to build a retaining wall so further research is required.

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ch-ch-ch-changes

by Denise on April 20, 2012

in paleo,ramblings,self talk

I want to be more focused on paleo eating and documenting that lifestyle change.

That will start May 1.

We’ve really let ourselves go over the course of the past two months. I caught myself singing the high praises of our Whole30 while I was stuffing my mouth full of pita bread and spinach dip and chasing it with alcohol. I brought brownies to two group events. I’m back to taking multiple Tums a day and I’m breaking out more than usual. I have rediscovered the 3 p.m. energy crash and have remedied that with caffeine and baked goods instead of preventing it with a healthful lunch and plenty of rest the night before.

The backtracking has been substantial and my aim is to stop it now instead of a year from now when I weigh 215 pounds again and wonder where the hell I went wrong.

The bottom line is that I am tired of feeling the way I’ve felt for the past two months: unfocused, unchallenged, and passive. I don’t know why it’s necessary to have an official Start Date For The Healthiness but for some reason that helps me. It gears me up and makes eschewing muffins and dairy kind of exciting again.

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stuff and things

by Denise on April 16, 2012

in stuff and things

1. I’ve been thinking of changing the name of this blog to something more suitable as I’m not really all about health so much anymore. And it’s not really a project. And really I just hate the title of my blog. I’ve gone back and forth for a few months, alternately loving and hating it with a fiery passion. I’ve settled on hating it for the time being.

1 b. Maybe I’m having an identity crisis or something. I’m feeling kind of pensive lately, like maybe I have some Deep And Meaningful Thoughts in my head and I’m only moments away from writing a masterpiece that will catapult me into the kind of quiet fame of a writer for which I am most assuredly destined. My ten year high school reunion is coming up and it would be great if I was famous so I would have an excuse to not go, so hopefully I can capitalize on my Deep And Meaningful Thoughts sooner rather than later.

2. Lauren is coming to visit! I am picking her up at the airport tonight and we will spend the next two days doing whatever the heck we want.

3. My ankle situation is looking up. I can walk on it (yay!) but it’s still bruised and swollen so I look like I have an old woman foot. Very attractive.

4. I find it strange when dog owners provide a running commentary of what they think their dog might be thinking. I find it even stranger when they direct that commentary to me, as if I give a shit. I really, really don’t. “Oh, how funny! My chihuahua thinks he’s a big dog!” No. He doesn’t. He might think his owner is an idiot, though.

5. I cancelled my dental insurance effective May 1 and I already feel like some sort of renegade. I also feel kind of scared that I will have some sort of fantastic dental emergency on May 2nd with no resources at my disposal. I imagine myself walking around all toothless and gummy being denied services because I decided I wanted to save $40 a month.

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hair, skin, nails

by Denise on April 13, 2012

in paleo,ramblings,self talk,tips that may or may not be helpful

I have bitten my fingernails for nearly my entire life. It’s disgusting and unhygienic and blah blah, but here’s the thing: since I’ve started eating paleo my nails and hair have never healthier. My hair stylist actually asked me if I was taking prenatal vitamins since my hair was growing so quickly and was so shiny.

And my nails! Usually they would get all brittle and thin when they’d grow (probably from the years of abuse they suffered at the hands of my gnawing teeth), but now they’re strong and healthy. I can only attribute it to my change in eating habits since everything else has pretty much stayed the same.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that their acne cleared up when they cut out all gluten, legumes, and dairy, and sadly I am not one of those lucky people. But the big, painful cyst-type pimples are pretty much gone, and now it’s just the small whiteheads that pop up from time to time. I doubt I will ever be a clear-skinned sun goddess, but at least I can have rockin’ fingernails.

Now I’m in the market for a skin care regime that works. I have tried Proactiv, Clinique, Aveeno, Nutrogena, Olay, Clearasil, Burt’s Beens, and every other drug store line. I’ve done the oil cleaning method, apple cider vinegar, and other more natural remedies. NOTHING WORKS. The older I get, the more makeup it’s taking to look like I don’t have any makeup on.

I currently use the Clinique three step skincare system, as well as sunscreen when we go to the dog park. I use Bare Minerals concealer/foundation (also includes an SPF)/blush, and regular ol’ Covergirl mascara and eyeliner. Colorless lip balm goes on my lips, and then I’m good to go. Am I missing something? Am I just predisposed to yucky skin for the rest of my life? Yeesh. That would be kind of a bummer.

What about you? What do you use? Please tell me. I might not have tried it yet.

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injury

by Denise on April 12, 2012

in ramblings,stories

On Friday I started with a cough that I thought was just a cough brought on by my super fantastic spinning class skills; apparently it was not. On Saturday I was laid up in bed all day, coughing my brains out and sleeping while Jason weeded and mowed the front yard like some sort of super husband. Sunday I went to work for a few hours and then slept, and on Monday I stayed home from work and slept some more. By the time Tuesday came around I was ready to go the hell to work in the hopes of talking to someone that wasn’t my dog.

Tuesday had other plans for me, for when I took the step down from the front door to our side walk (THE ONLY STEP IN OUR ENTIRE HOUSE), I rolled my ankle. Have you ever dehusked an ear of corn? The sound I heard from my ankle sounded like someone ripping the husk off of an ear of corn times ten. I was sure I had broken it and was scared that when Jason removed my shoe and sock he would remove my right foot with them.

It wasn’t broken. He drove me to work (I work with doctors!) and someone took a look at it, assured me it wasn’t broken, and instructed me to RICE it (rest, ice, compress, elevate!) for the entire day. So I did. Jason drove me back home and got me all set up on the couch, where I napped and watched “Choppped” for the duration. We went to our small group Tuesday night. I was going to that thing come hell or highwater because I could NOT stand to be inside another stupid minute without someone to talk to.

Now I’m at work. I’m at work and still coughing and my ankle is still sore, but I don’t need the crutches at all as long as I hobble really slowly. I left a trail of coffee in my wake this morning, and my coworkers found that quite hilarious. I did, too.

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through the eyes of someone else

by Denise on April 11, 2012

in christianity,life lessons

I have terrible self-esteem.

I know that I’m a pretty good wife and friend; I’m a decent cook and an okay writer. I’m good at being funny, at listening, and making you feel better. When you call me in the middle of the night because your marriage is ending, I will cry with you and listen to you and feel your hurt. I might even make you laugh. I’m good at that.

But I’m not great at loving my physical self.

I don’t know why it started. Besides being bullied, no one in entire life has ever looked me in the face and I said I was ugly. But I felt it. I felt too big; my jaw was too square; my eyes were too squinty when I laughed; my eyebrows were too full. I felt those things all the time.

I thought that nagging would go away when I got married, but it took a new form. I was constantly looking to Jason for validation. I wanted him to make me feel better about myself; I wanted him to tell me I was pretty and beautiful and worth it. He did. And I didn’t believe him.

It wasn’t until I was listening to a sermon that compared Jesus and us to a groom and his bride that I got it. I understood. Jesus waits for me like Jason waited for me at the end of the aisle on our wedding day: excited. Love flowing through his veins. Impatiently waiting for the rest of our lives to start. When I understood that Jesus saw me as precious, as beautiful, as lovely… Well. It was easier to see myself that way. Little by little, I’m starting to understand that God’s grace is what makes me beautiful. That his redemption has washed me white as snow, and I can stand before him perfect in Jesus’ righteousness.

To God, I am worth dying for.

And you are, too.

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thanks, past self

by Denise on April 10, 2012

in foodstuffs,life lessons

Last Wednesday we threw out everything in our house that wasn’t paleo friendly.
On Friday I came down with a cough, and on Saturday I was laid up in bed for the entire day, only emerging to go to the bathroom and eat.

Usually when I’m sick I crave super processed stuff: pop tarts, mac and cheese, Oreos. This time I had a handful of macadamia nuts, half a piece of grilled chicken leftover from the night before, and some grapefruit. That’s all that we had in our cupboards. It is not possible to stray from a diet if the only food that’s in the fridge is good-for-me food. I wanted to mouth kiss my past self for having such ingenious foresight.

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